Loveliness.. To loath or just smile and go Okay!

Okay. Time to get real here. Reading some more articles tonight and the statistics that they stated kind of just bothered me. It was refereeing to body images in teen girls and so on. How something like 78% by the age of 17 try to alter their image or dislike their bodies. WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!! Now is that statistic accurate I have no clue. If it is man, that is just awful. 17 years old. All they should worry about is school and college, and yes I guess even boys. Looking back at me at age 17 I have to honestly say I didn’t like my body as much as I should of. I was a size 2. 2! I might be able to get my arm into a size 2 pair of pants now but that is about it. GOOD grief what was I thinking. I had no physical issues other than the cursed acne which I still have at 30. Thanks Mom love the genetics on that one! I had a tiny waist a cute little rear end and figure. I didn’t have to work hard at it and could eat whatever and it didn’t matter. Now was I the most popular of girls. HA Nope. Did guys line up at my door to date me, NOPE on that as well. But in the grand scheme of things I can’t for the life of me figure out why at 17 I didn’t like my body image. Fast forward. 30! Gasp! This is where I will get real and well completely embarrass myself but hey what the heck. 2014 is a new year and a year of change so here we go. I love the saying beauty is on the inside not the outside but loving the saying and believing in it is not the same thing. Would I like to be blessed to be a slender and honestly natural beauty at 30 of course I would. But wait a minute maybe my idea of that very statement is what is wrong with me. So let’s break this down. Do I still have the acne, well of course I do thanks to lovely genetics. Hair lots of so that is a blessing itself even though I tend to leave strands of it anywhere I go. Eyes I’ve always liked my eyes I thought they were different even though they are blue and blue is not an uncommon color at all. So here we go the big one my body! GASP! Yes I am going there. I will say at 30 I have a whole lot more loveliness than I did at 17. My size 2 former teen self has morphed into this Mommy body that shows it. I have lost weight and inches and so on over the past couple of years and kept them off so Yay for me on that but I haven’t lost the self-loathing. I can honestly say when I wake up and look in the mirror at my God given loveliness right now I don’t like it. I have not liked my body image well since my first baby was born. My beautiful and unquie baby girl. All whooping 9 almost 10 pounds of her. Does my body show the price I paid to carry her and keep her safe for those 8ish months? Absolutely it does. Well over 65 plus pound gained with her. As I stand there in the mirror I need to be better at reminding myself to look at the stretch marks that were left behind and remember that those were given to me by grace and are beautiful because of what reward I got from them. Do I do that, NOPE. I see them as ugly and annoying and unattractive. When my daughter sees my stomach and goes oh that is from me and smiles and walks off, why can’t I do that? She doesn’t see it as ugly or horrible. She sees it as a reminder of her and smiles. If I truly want to be a beauty on the outside I need to start on the inside. I don’t mean I’m going to start doing strenuous exercises and all of that. Ha!  I mean I need to remind myself every day I look in the mirror to remember about my baby girl and go “Okay” shrug my shoulders and walk off with a smile. Do I wear a size 2, HA not even an 8. I still am in a size 12/14. Granted the size 14 I love when I first put on because they are relaxed fit but by lunch I have to hold them up because they keep falling down. So yeah maybe I need to buy a smaller size but the mind just won’t let me. If I buy a 12 possibly even an 11 I’d be excited when I leave the store. BUT once I got home and put them on and they would be tight and I would see that lovely pooch over the top and I’d stop loving them as much. So I need to focus more on the mind instead of the numbers. Now granted I do have some pants that are not jeans that say M 8/10 and BOY DO I LOVE THOSE Pants!!!!  If I could get away with it I would wear them every day if I could. So…. Change my mind change my heart and change my body. If I want true beauty and I don’t mean the world’s version of true beauty then I need to make it start from my heart and love myself first. My husband and my kids all love me even with all the extra loveliness so why can’t I? ??????? So my new hope for this year is just to remember to smile and be okay with me.

1 year 1 baby step closer.

As always: I am horrible at spelling and grammar so ignore that. Growth is a process and most times it seems very hard, very long, very scary and very stressful. But God intends for us to grow daily. So he sends us what we need to make sure we seek him that day so we can grow. Today has been a struggle for me for various reasons. I struggle with a lot of things. With being a good mom, with putting my kids first before anything else when and when I shouldn’t, with being a good wife, being a submissive wife, not controlling everything, being a good teacher to the kids, being a good friend and being a good daughter of Christ. Boy how I fail on all of those accounts daily. I am stubborn, strong willed, pig headed and downright determined most times. Which almost all of these traits tend to not let God take the lead and usually cause me to have to stumble or fall before I will let him take the rains in my life. It is not a onetime struggle for me it is a daily struggle sometimes even more than that. I sat down tonight and read the bible with my daughter and we read one of the few verses I can actually remember from memory. Which is not good itself. Then I realized oh bad Rachel that is the first time I have ever sat down with her and actually opened my bible and read with her and discussed what we read. We discuss God and things of that he has done often but never have I opened that bible in front of her and read. What am I doing. Why have I not done that before. How can I raise my daughter and her not see that. So I asked her tonight to help remind Mommy when she forgets that we need to read. She is very good about reminding me if I forget to give her their nightly vitamins so I’m hoping she will remind me of this as well. I read a blurb the other day that said that God does give us more than we can handle so we will seek him. Now I don’t remember the exact wording and really do not wish to have to try to find it again but this has made me think. I use to believe that God never gave us more than we could handle. But that blurb has stuck with me. If God only gave us what he knows we could handle then when would we seek him. Shoot if I could actually handle half the stuff that my day entails by myself I’d probably never even say his name. Horrible to thank but honest. I signed into my blog which apparently it has been a very long time. Not any real reason why I haven’t signed in lately just haven’t. I decided to re-read some of my post. I made it through the last post I wrote and had to stop. I couldn’t go any further. Just reading that post back from February of 2013 after the ladies retreat I went to. Man I am awful. Reading that put me back in my place and reminded me tonight alone that I am not where I need to be with my walk with God. That it has taken certain steps yesterday and even today alone to get me to seek him and ask for his help. God did not create me to do things myself. Even though I think so most of the time. If it was not for all kinds of people I couldn’t be who or where I am today. I am flawed and broken and a sinner. That I don’t think will ever change. The only thing I can change is to try my best every day to seek him first. To grab onto him first thing every day and be grateful. For I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a husband and two amazing kids who I love them all very dearly. I have parents who have given the better part of their life to raise and protect me, and still are. Just thinking of what they have gone through just to make sure I stayed alive and healthy I couldn’t imagine. I have friends who even though we are in different places in our lives and maybe even in down locations I will always be grateful for them and love them dearly. I have a job that I love and I learn from each day. I learn more from my co-workers and students then what I probably even teach. But when I can sit there and hear my baby girl ask questions about what we read and her give me an answer of a pure heart. It makes me smile. I do believe that God has blessed me with my children not only for me to care and protect here on Earth but for me to learn from. For I learn far more from them. I have found myself in situations all the time when she will ask me questions I cannot honestly answer because I don’t know. So I know I have to find out because she will ask me again and will expect an answer. So at least in my life my kids are kind of a check and balance. Because boy do they check up on their mom and make sure she does what she says. There are times I have my moments where I could just escape for a bit. But regardless of where or who I am with my heart and mind is always at home with my family. I may seem to have a routine life of husband, kids, work, cleaning, and so on but I have to remember that each and every one of those things is a blessing that has been in trusted to me to protect and nurture and to grow from. As I re-read my blog tonight this one segment stood out the most. Mainly because I still struggle with it even today, but I can say that in the past year I have worked on it. I have. I do not have it mastered or no where near figured out but I have taken baby steps to try my best to do this. For example, the Bible says a women is to submit to her husband. I have always been defensive to this statement and verse. Every time I heard this I would go into shutdown mode and be like NO WAY. That is because I never truly understood it and was too afraid to ask any one because I was afraid I would look stupid. One lady put it this way to me tonight and I truly got it…She explained that submission can also be to submit yourself low enough so that God can reach your husband. That as women we try to fix our husbands ourselves and the only one who can is God. So that we need to submit ourselves low enough (get out of God’s way) so he can reach our husbands. So looking back since then I can with my head held high say I have grown. That I am one step maybe just that one baby step closer to where I should be. So with that I want to leave you with this question…….. Are you one step closer to God?

Pour My Heart Inside Out Lord

Disclaimer: Before you read this I am not an English or Lit teacher. I am awful with grammar, spelling and punctuation  So look beyond that to truly read what is being said here.

Dear God true creator, redeemer and merciful Lord I ask you pour my heart inside out and open my eyes to you Lord.  You are truly an almighty and powerful God.

 

It has been a LONG while since I have blogged.  I just have fallen on that account and honestly haven’t felt like I wanted to take the time to blog about God or my relationships lately. This is my way of getting you out to the world and I haven’t done it lately just because I’m human and did not wish to be bothered to do it and take away from all the “worldly things” I do instead.  For that Father, I lift this up to you and ask for forgiveness. I should never put things of this world before you. Without you I am nothing, I have nothing.  Not even the pebble of sand I step on to the air in the sky I breathe to the food I eat.  Without you it would all fade and be gone. When I think in that context it is so awe inspiring.  Why does it take me so long and honestly having to fall so low to get to that point?  I do not like that.Lately I have strayed from him.  Even on the smallest scale and I got hit today with the realization of how “sinful” that is.  I always heard it in my head but never truly heard it in my heart.

I joined a group of ladies from my church for a women’s retreat.  WOW… This is my second women’s retreat.  So far just looking back at both times WOW is pretty much what I can say.  The first retreat God used to open my eyes to just the lacking of where our relationship was with each other. I was able to use that retreat and those lessons to start on the path God needed me to be so I could come to this retreat and this very moment in my life when I finally can say I get it. Not just with my head but truly in my heart I hear it now.  It took me a year, a long rather emotional and raw year.  I still have a long ways to go I know that but WOW…I have not heard anything different from this retreat that I have not already been told before. It sure has made me realize it now and just the fact I do understand what everyone has been saying over the past year and truly grasp that is just such an awesome feeling.The moment it hit me and I was like OH… One of our breakout sessions was about tools for worship. The speaker had an app called GLO Bible. It pretty much could show us what the tabernacle would have looked like.  The moment she clicked zoom and sent the app to show the inside of the tabernacle with the holy of hollies and the veil I just sunk in my chair.  The fact at that moment I went WOW… This is how powerful and amazing God is.  I felt as If I was standing right there in the tabernacle looking at the veil in person. I shook me, to the core shook me I had chill bumps.This retreat has opened up so many more depths in me.  I normally have to allow myself to become raw to be able to hear what God wishes for me. Which I will fight against pretty much all the time. I want to put walls up and control what I think God should show me.  I usually fight against him working in me and I get defeated which is usually in the form of tears, lots and lots of tears. He loves to kick me out of the door of my comfort zone.  I look like a punching bag this weekend. I get this extremely intense swelling in my chest and this build up and then the tears start. When that happens I know I’m putting up my walls and not allowing God to work in me.  I have fought each time for a few minutes like I always do but after that break out session I went to our nightly praise and worship and man put it out there.  I was raw as I have ever been and in front of the group of ladies I was with.  I don’t ask for much spiritually in front of people, just a few close net ladies.  I put it out there I just had to.  Boy.  I felt as if the Lord was pouring my heart inside out tonight.  This is exactly what I needed.Each message I heard really has sunk in and it is nothing new, but I have heard it in my heart and I am in true amazement.  I know I am on the retreat high like I always get but this time it is fulfilling.  I am not longing for something because I know it’s missing, I’m longing for more, I’m craving for it because I’ve seen what I was missing and I have a hunger for it now.

Lord, powerful and mighty Lord, pour my heart inside out and make me raw.  I want to crave you, I want to breathe you in.  I want to be raw and opened so I can see what you have laid out for me. I know the direction you have me on will lead me somewhere. I ask you show me if I am not on that path right now then where I need to be.  Lord pour my heart inside out. I just want to keep repeating that.  I have heard ladies speak of when you get a fulfillment of the Lord you crave it you want more.  I never truly understood that, I thought I did but I understood with my mind and not my heart. For God to truly use me I must connect the two. I must not only understand with my mind but truly believe and feel it in my heart.There is so much going on today in the world and of course as always in my life. I am human and live a human life so I will always have issues and road blocks.  But I know God is the only one that can ever fix any problem. Even though I “knew” that with my mind, now I feel it in my heart. I am fulfilled at this very moment.  What a joy it is. I mean it is like a drug. I want more and more and more of it.Today every place I have been from conversation in the room with room ladies to break out sessions to praise and worship, I have been exactly where God has wanted me to be. 

This retreat did touch a lot on Women’s roles and in terms of the marriages and husbands. Which I’ve heard before but I was not ready to truly grasp. BUT, this time. Man.  WOW….. For example, the Bible says a women is to submit to her husband. I have always been defensive to this statement and verse. Every time I heard this I would go into shutdown mode and be like NO WAY. That is because I never truly understood it and was too afraid to ask any one because I was afraid I would look stupid.  One lady put it this way to me tonight and I truly got it…She explained that submission can also be to submit yourself low enough so that God can reach your husband. That as women we try to fix our husbands ourselves and the only one who can is God. So that we need to submit ourselves low enough (get out of God’s way) so he can reach our husbands.

My wish is that if there are those of you out there that have questions about God or the Bible that you find someone and ask.  Don’t be like me and be too afraid to ask because of fear of looking stupid.  No question about God is stupid or wrong if it comes from your heart and you desire to seek him.  Someday God will return and that doorway to get to know him and have a relationship with him will close. I would hate to see anyone out there miss out on the chance of not having eternal life with God just because they were too afraid to ask about him. 

I don’t mean to sound preacher or as if I know it all, because I SO do not.  I am still learning and will keep learning long after I leave this earth.  God’s love and power is infinite and that will take eternity to try to understand him. So in the meantime I’m enjoying the journey.

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed weekend and remember it’s as simple as God loves you. Regardless he loves you.  

Can you love him back?

When I Know, to STOP....

I am human and at times that really just aggravates the heck out of me.  Today I have battled back and forth all day worrying about things that are beyond my control. Worrying and racking my brain on how to fix them.  WHEN I KNOW, to STOP……. 

Looking back at the past five months of my life.  Leaving my job, worrying how and if we would make it financially at the same time trying to keep a smile on my face and not regret my decision.  I spent the first two months looking for a new job after I left the City.  Constantly looking, doing nothing but driving myself crazy.  Only to come up empty handed each time. The one job offer I was given I turned down, which is not like me.  But it was not what I really wanted and for once I made a decision to do what I wanted or to attempt to peruse it and not take the road that was the easiest.  Still not knowing what laid ahead for me or my family. I poured myself into the kid’s school and the church.  Turning out to the greats surprise to be some of the best decisions I have ever made. 

 Fast forward to five months later and I am genuinely happier than I have been in years.  Just by taking a chance and going to the areas of uncertainty or even areas that I feared that ended up opening so many new and wonderful doors.  I was part of the Thanksgiving Day committee at the kid’s school and that was truly amazing and kept me truly busy.  Then I helped fix the Thanksgiving meal for the church, something I would have NEVER done and enjoyed it. Total chaos and absolutely a huge task.  Joined a ladies prayer group something that is totally out of my comfort zone and I have truly grown to love each and every one of these ladies in our group as a family.  We have a truly deep bond that is unexplainable.  A true sisterhood with such a deeper sense.  I even attended a ladies evening at the church one night, not something I’d normally do and it was great. I really enjoyed it. By the end of the night I ended up sighing up for a mentoring program and two other things that I’m honestly excited about.  Yet another area of life that I’d normally do a 180 and run away from.  Being pretty much thrown into these situations by God going “Yes”.  I have subbed when asked at the kid’s school which has provided some financial help, but I’ve truly enjoyed.  Well that leads to another door. Found out the week before Thanksgiving break that I was offered a part-time position as a teacher’s aid two days a week until the end of the year then we would reevaluate in January.  The possibilities that just that month alone could open up for me there at the school is amazing.  

I cannot honestly explain how any of the things that have been taken care of these past few months have happened. Yes I know where the money has come from each time, but I could of personally walked up to each and every one of those providers and asked or outright begged for help and would have been turned away because It was me trying to fix the situation and not relying on God to do it.  To be truly honest there were weeks we would have $5 literally.  For the four of us, with an empty tank of gas, supplies such as pull-ups needed and food needed.  Worried how we would even make it happen. Then I would just remind myself I couldn’t do it, I could not make it happen. I would pray and lift it up to God and boom.  There it was.  In one form or another.  How can I deny God is amazing or even exists looking back at my own life these past few months. I can’t.  Then this past week and this week already worried how we would make it all work and make the ends meet.  STOP IT RACHEL…. Got a text message last night to sub today, AWESOME Thank you God.  That was an answered prayer an extra day of work. Then my two days this week I am scheduled to work.  YEAH three days of work.  Then being told today I am needed on Friday as well.  God is good.  It’s not even so much about the paycheck it’s about the fact that I can stay at the school those days which saves gas.  The school is outside the city limits and a drive from my house. So instead of driving out there, dropping the kids off and driving back into town in the morning and again in the afternoon’s every day, I can go out there and stay until school is out.  A small but true blessing for us.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a job that paid minimum wage.  Truthfully.  I never thought I’d see the day I would be happy and excited to see that amount of money per hour.  It’s like a bonus to be honest.  I truly enjoy being out there and being with the kids and being a part of that amazing place.  It is truly rewarding. Sadly one of the first jobs I’ve ever had in my 12 some odd years of working that I am truly fulfilled in and happy and it has nothing to do with the income.  

Am I financially rich, not even close. My personal bank account is got less than a $1 it in.  But to be able to truly say I’ve never been happier is just such an amazing thing.  29 years old, less than a $1 to my name, with an amazing family and friends, healthy kids that are the light of my day, a roof over our head, and the ability to actually provide my kids with a life that is centered around God and at the same time be truly fulfilled and happy.  To say I am blessed is beyond and understatement. 

With all of this I am sad to say I still am human and have let Satan in my head today and he planted the seed of doubt.  Just to say I doubt it will happen, I doubt it will work out, I doubt this will be okay.  I have said that so many times today.  The fact that I am human just stinks sometimes….. I can’t do it, I can never do it!  God will provide everything I need as I need it. It might not always be the way or the reasoning I would like but he never lets me down even when I let him down on a daily basis.  

So gratefully I believe in such a truly amazing and forgiving GOD. 

To be Full.

I believe that Satan attacks the strongest when your on a high and got your "grove" going with God. 
That is true in my life at this moment.  Things have been going smoothly and of course this weekend we were faced with a challenge.  But unlike what I would of done in the past and absolutely FREAKED OUT, I just realized there was nothing I could do about it over the weekend and to not panic about it.  Also I just knew somehow it would be okay. I still do.  Because no matter what happens with the situation that is before us, I must lift it up to God and he will take care of it.  Maybe not the way I would like, but it's okay because he will be in control of it. 

If I look back at the past couple of months and sit down and think of all the things that have gone on and how things have worked themselves out, I am truly amazed. It is beyond anything I really even comprehend. If it had been left up to me there would of been no way I could of done any of the things that were accomplished these past few months in our lives.  The only real reason is because I know I can not handle things in my life or situations that I am faced with on a daily basis, by myself.  I now realize that they are not for me to dwell on or worry about.  If I just simply lift them up to God and ask him to take care of the siutation as he sees fit it all works out.  For the times I may not of actually stopped and prayed about it I still approached it with faith knowing it would be okay and all work out.

Why does it take me so long to finally see this?  To realize that it is not for me to fix, understand or even comprehend situations is life.  Why could the light bulb not gone off sooner? 


Tonight I attended a fellowship for the ladies at our church.  The main agenda tonight was to get us to realize that our first priority is to God.  To just sit at his feet.  To be abundant in him, and full. For those times where we may not seek him daily, pray to him daily or feel a bit lost, for us to approach the situation with faith. Faith in God and that he will see it thru.

I just opened one of my devotional books and got a good chuckle out of today's' versus.

November 12:

THIS IS A TIME OF ABUNDANCE in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine.  I want you to enjoy the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you.

Sometimes My children hesitate to receive My good gifts with open hands.  Feeling of false guilt creep in, telling them they don't deserve to be so richly blessed. This is nonsense thinking, because no one deserves anything from Me. My kingdom is not about earning and deserving; it's about believing and receiving.

When a child of Mine balks at accepting My gifts, I am deeply grieved.  When you receive My abudnant blessings with a greatful heart, I rejoice.  My pleasure is giving and your pleasure in receiving flow together in joyus harmony.

PSALM 23:5; JOHN 3:16; LUKE 11:9-10 and ROMANS 8:32

How fitting is that. To come home and read the scripture about abundance and being full. Then remembering what the ladies said about the times we just need faith and looking back at my life and seeing those times where nothing else was there but just faith. 

That is just an awesome realization to me. 

There maybe those of you out there that think I'm just nuts and lost my marbles, but that is alright. The fact I can sit here and look at where I started a few months ago, where I am today, and the doors that are opening right now for the future how could I not sit back and go "I am truly blessed right now, what blessings God has given me!"

"Wow, I get it now"!

It has been a while since I've posted and for that I am sorry.  If you do or do not read this I should still keep up with this more often. I will try my best to post more often.

My thoughts for today.

I so totally needed this today. 

TRUST ME ENOUGH to let things happen without striving to predict or control them. 

Relax, and refresh yourself in the Light of My everlasting Love. 

My Love-Light never dims, yet you are often unaware of My radiant Presence. 

When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without My help. 

This is subtle sin-so common that it usually slips by unnoticed. 

The alternative is to live fully in the present, depending on Me each moment. 

Rather than fearing your inadequacy, rejoice in My abundant supply. 

Train your mind to seek My help continually, even when you feel competent to handle something by yourself. 

Don't divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help. 

Instead, learn to rely on Me in every situation. 

This discipline will enable you to enjoy life more and to face each day confidently. 

PSALM 37:306; PHILIPPIANS 4:19 

Devotion for October 10th from Jesus Calling. 

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It's funny I received this devotional book Jesus Calling back in 2009 for a Christmas gift.  

Back then I would read it some and think well that has nothing to do with my day. 

Then to read it now and to realize there are some days it may not make since to me, but that on other days I'm like "Woah that hits the nail on the head with me". 

Back then in 2009 I was not open and receptive to God the way I needed to be as I am starting to be now. 

So yes it's a book I got back then but how the words have not change or the order has not changed, but now I understand it more.

This week has been a good week and is only half way through.  Things have become clear to me that I never thought I would even be part of and I'm still functioning.  

I don't like to go beyond my personal bubble but I'm being pulled out of it here lately and I'm surviving it and even enjoying it. 

Sunday at church I was not as open as I should have been to being there and receiving God's word. I let my frustrations over a personal situation take more hold over me that morning than I should have. 

Lord for that I ask forgiveness, I was there to worship and praise you and receive your teachings that day and I let my personal frustration get in the way and I did not hear or retain anything that was said that morning. I am truly sorry for that. I have a situation I am trying to see through and it is not going as I had hoped and wanted it to.  That being the key word as I had hoped or wanted. I know all things are done in God's timing and his way. I know that this situation will be resolved when he wills it. I'm not saying it's easy just sitting back because I am human and I do dwell on it daily but that is where I fail as a believer.  I know all things God takes care of and I need to lift this up to him and ask he give me peace with the situation and guide me through my day as he sees fit.  

Monday i dropped the kids off at school and then went to my prayer group meeting.  How awesome it was. God always seems to put the right people in the right place at the right time. Monday was a true example of that.  This group is going to be an awesome thing I can just feel it deep down. I have this hunger for it to just truly see where it goes.  I'm excited for it.  Not just in the fact that it will help me personally but just to see what works can be done with this group of women.  This is definitely something that has me out of my comfort zone. But it's a good thing sometimes being pushed out of my bubble so things that are meant to be can be. 

Tuesday after dropping the kids off and working out at the school I was in the post office and ran into a dear sweet lady I know.  Even though I know her and I know she is a Christian and truly loves God it is nice to just realize we stood in the post office for 30 minutes just talking. Talking about what God has done in our own personal lives.  Just a friendly conversation in the middle of the post office. But it was so awesome because she had things that I needed  to hear that morning about things in my own life. Just the fact that the simple conversation not only helped me with a  situation but it was also relaxing.  To know that anyone who was coming in and out of the post office could of heard what we were discussing and you never know could of thought "oh I needed to hear that today".  Maybe it could of just been one word that was spoken.  The fact that someone there could of seen two people standing there talking about God and their relationships with him just as if it was a conversation about the weather. 

Today I went to a friends to check up on her and we talked about different versus in the bible that refereed to a situation I have right now.  She gave me several scriptures that I needed for today. 

It's funny how something some simple as a conversation can help, not just me myself or the one I'm talking to but that the possibility of those around us could be needing something and just hear a word that makes their day. 

I would of never thought I would be in any of those situations not to mention all within one week. 

The fact it is something so simple as a gesture of opening a door, helping someone who needs a hand or even just saying God Bless you to someone you don't know. 

That it doesn't always take a grand or huge gesture to serve God and make someone's day better. 

To hear that your whole life and never truly understand it till now and you look back at your own life the past few months and just go "WOW" at all the things that have happened. 

Some things small, some things not so small that all lead you to this very point in time where go "I get it now"! 

How great that feeling is. 

For once I have no clue what is to come and what will happen next.  Do I still worry about that some yes of course I do.  I can lift that up to God and he will see it is taken care of. 

To look back at my past few months and realize how things have happened and how somethings have come about and know that it was all him, it was all God. Because there is no way I could of done any of that. 

When I've thrown my hands up and realize there is just nothing I can physically do at that time about something.  Then to look back now and go "Yes, it was all God's doing". 

To top it off why does my spell check not recognize some of the books of the Bible?  Maybe it's just me but that seems wrong and odd.  I would hoped that spell check systems could and would recognize the proper way to spell the books in the Bible.  Hum….  Just a thought in my head about maybe where things have come to be now days.  

Well it's Wednesday and if you do or do not attend a church I hope everyone has a truly blessed day.  No matter what you are going through there is someone that will always listen to your needs, worries, fears and just your frustrations and will walk with you through it.  Something so simple as just looking up and realize that God loves you and will not leave you if you let him in.  

Have a blessed day everyone!

Blessed..

Okay.  I know most of my blog entries are about God and my life with him and my struggles.  I have just come to realize that when I blog it's because something in my life has happened and God is using it in some way to better and strengthen me.  I finally came to decision that I would use my blog as my public journal  about my walk with God.  Some people may "hate it", some people may think it's ridiculous.  But if just one person says "Hey that helped me I needed that" just one, then you know what, it was all worth it.  Maybe this is my way of getting God's greatness out to people.  Because even if it's a post about something that I'm not quite sure about or a struggle I'm having then it can too be used for good in his ultimate plan.  Read if you wish, if not I hope you have a great day. 

So with that rather long introduction here is today's post. 

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My devotionals for today are these passages: 

#1. )

DO EVERYTHING in dependence of Me.  The desire to act independently - apart from Me - springs from the root of pride.  Self-sufficiency is subtle, insinuating its way into your thoughts and actions without your realizing it.  But apart from Me, you can do nothing: that is, nothing of eternal value.  My deepest desire for you is that you learn to depend on Me in every situation.  I move heaven and earth to accomplish this purpose, but you must collaborate with Me in this training.  Teaching you would be simple if I negated your free will or overwhelmed you with My Power. However, I love you too much to withdraw the godlike privilege I bestowed on you as My image-bearer.  Use your freedom wisely, by relying on Me constantly.  Thus you enjoy My Presence and My Peace. 

John 15:5; Ephesians 6:10; Genesis 1:26-27

From the September 6th passage out of Jesus Calling

#2. )

Let Your Light Shine

The grace of God…has trained us to reject and renounce all ungodliness (irreligion) and worldly (passionate) desires, to live discreet (temperate, self-controlled), upright, devout (spiritually whole) lives in his present world. 

TITUS 2:11-12

Although you live in the world, you are not to be of the world…worldly in your ways.  Because it is easy to become worldly without realizing it, you need the godly influence of spiritually mature people in your life.  You also need to be a student of God's Word, which can change your ungodly desires and train and establish godly character in you. 

As a child of God, you are to be a light to others who dwell in darkness. People should be able to tell by your joy, the light in your eyes, the way you treat people, the way you talk about people - or don't talk about them - that you are a Christian.  

Determine now that you will be a light in this present world.  Ask God to help you glorify Him through your choices and actions. 

For September 6th passage out of Ending Your Day Right Devotions by Joyce Meyers. 

Well both of these hit home to me today.  

The first of course depending on God for everything and every single situation and not depending on yourself to take care of it.  Why this is such a hard one to remember.  I have progressed and gotten better, and I do not panic as much with situations now as I use to.  I always tell myself now that not matter what happens it's out of my control and God will make it work out the way it's meant to be.  

Case in point, my lack of a job even a part-time. Since I left my previous employer I filled out approximately 20 applications and been on at least 6 interviews.  Of course all have come back not hired for various reasons.  Which is very frustrating for me. Someone who has pretty much worked since I left high school.  I have gone back and forth between the whole I want the pay and security of a full-time job, to wanting a part-time job due to the hours so I can take the kids to and from school myself.  Even to the part-time job part of the week so I could have some down time to myself. All the way to not working at all and just go back to school at the beginning of the year.  

I decided last night that I really wanted to look into going back to school again and getting something. Well anyone who knows me knows i'm not going to spend upwards of 40k to go back to a school for a bachelors degree in something i really do not wish to do. The culinary school seem to be getting even more expensive than a regular college now days.  I found a school that seems to cater to everyone.  Those who wish to go during the day and those of us with obligations that prohibit us for going by offering a couple weekend and some evening classes.  Well how awesome is that.  The course I'm looking at is 16 months long and you can finish it in 12 months if I double up on one of the trimesters.  So actually it's not a far fetched idea.  This could be possible. So maybe i'm starting to see the bigger picture at the moment for my situation. So instead of being frustrated as I have been I need to sit back and say "Okay God your know me better than I know myself, you know what is best for me and my family then I do.  Here is the reigns take them and lead me to where you will me to be."  Because maybe just maybe he is sending me in the exact direction I am meant to be in right now and things I thought and wanted and didn't think were possible are actually possible if it's his will.  Needless to say I'm getting pretty excited.  

The second devotional about not being of this world and finding spiritually mature people to be in your life.  I do in fact think that one should surround themselves with mature spiritual people.  I have been blessed this past year to meet some many wonderful people who have come into my life.  To be truthfully honest I could not be where I am today without any of them and I know they are just a phone call away or a prayer away if needed.  How awesome is that.  I have a great group of friends and ladies at my parent's church and they are all so awesome and amazing at how much they truly live for God.  I have been blessed to attending a local church that is starting to really grow into something great.  I have also been blessed with going to counseling these past few months and finding myself a really good person to be with.  One that challenges me to make sure what I do and what I think is about God and making sure I let him control things and not me.   So for that I am so truly blessed.  

Things of this world (earthy things) can be crumbling around you or creating havoc and just frustration you completely. But when you sit down and think of about how much God loves you and If you are willing to listen then you can see just how truly blessed you are at that moment in your life.  I know this is way easier said than done.

Well I guess this all I am going to post tonight. That is all I felt like I needed to say. 

I will end with this.  As I above mentioned I do go to counseling and have been gifted with an great person.  I am sad to say that as of next week I will be finished with the group of sessions I was blessed to have without financial responsibility.  So with that I want to just ask you all to pray.  To pray that if God sees fit I keep going that it will happen and if God's plan is something else then grant me peace to be okay with that decision and move on.  For as I've said it's not in my hands but his.  Hope everyone has a great evening and/or day which ever it is for you.