When I Know, to STOP....

I am human and at times that really just aggravates the heck out of me.  Today I have battled back and forth all day worrying about things that are beyond my control. Worrying and racking my brain on how to fix them.  WHEN I KNOW, to STOP……. 

Looking back at the past five months of my life.  Leaving my job, worrying how and if we would make it financially at the same time trying to keep a smile on my face and not regret my decision.  I spent the first two months looking for a new job after I left the City.  Constantly looking, doing nothing but driving myself crazy.  Only to come up empty handed each time. The one job offer I was given I turned down, which is not like me.  But it was not what I really wanted and for once I made a decision to do what I wanted or to attempt to peruse it and not take the road that was the easiest.  Still not knowing what laid ahead for me or my family. I poured myself into the kid’s school and the church.  Turning out to the greats surprise to be some of the best decisions I have ever made. 

 Fast forward to five months later and I am genuinely happier than I have been in years.  Just by taking a chance and going to the areas of uncertainty or even areas that I feared that ended up opening so many new and wonderful doors.  I was part of the Thanksgiving Day committee at the kid’s school and that was truly amazing and kept me truly busy.  Then I helped fix the Thanksgiving meal for the church, something I would have NEVER done and enjoyed it. Total chaos and absolutely a huge task.  Joined a ladies prayer group something that is totally out of my comfort zone and I have truly grown to love each and every one of these ladies in our group as a family.  We have a truly deep bond that is unexplainable.  A true sisterhood with such a deeper sense.  I even attended a ladies evening at the church one night, not something I’d normally do and it was great. I really enjoyed it. By the end of the night I ended up sighing up for a mentoring program and two other things that I’m honestly excited about.  Yet another area of life that I’d normally do a 180 and run away from.  Being pretty much thrown into these situations by God going “Yes”.  I have subbed when asked at the kid’s school which has provided some financial help, but I’ve truly enjoyed.  Well that leads to another door. Found out the week before Thanksgiving break that I was offered a part-time position as a teacher’s aid two days a week until the end of the year then we would reevaluate in January.  The possibilities that just that month alone could open up for me there at the school is amazing.  

I cannot honestly explain how any of the things that have been taken care of these past few months have happened. Yes I know where the money has come from each time, but I could of personally walked up to each and every one of those providers and asked or outright begged for help and would have been turned away because It was me trying to fix the situation and not relying on God to do it.  To be truly honest there were weeks we would have $5 literally.  For the four of us, with an empty tank of gas, supplies such as pull-ups needed and food needed.  Worried how we would even make it happen. Then I would just remind myself I couldn’t do it, I could not make it happen. I would pray and lift it up to God and boom.  There it was.  In one form or another.  How can I deny God is amazing or even exists looking back at my own life these past few months. I can’t.  Then this past week and this week already worried how we would make it all work and make the ends meet.  STOP IT RACHEL…. Got a text message last night to sub today, AWESOME Thank you God.  That was an answered prayer an extra day of work. Then my two days this week I am scheduled to work.  YEAH three days of work.  Then being told today I am needed on Friday as well.  God is good.  It’s not even so much about the paycheck it’s about the fact that I can stay at the school those days which saves gas.  The school is outside the city limits and a drive from my house. So instead of driving out there, dropping the kids off and driving back into town in the morning and again in the afternoon’s every day, I can go out there and stay until school is out.  A small but true blessing for us.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a job that paid minimum wage.  Truthfully.  I never thought I’d see the day I would be happy and excited to see that amount of money per hour.  It’s like a bonus to be honest.  I truly enjoy being out there and being with the kids and being a part of that amazing place.  It is truly rewarding. Sadly one of the first jobs I’ve ever had in my 12 some odd years of working that I am truly fulfilled in and happy and it has nothing to do with the income.  

Am I financially rich, not even close. My personal bank account is got less than a $1 it in.  But to be able to truly say I’ve never been happier is just such an amazing thing.  29 years old, less than a $1 to my name, with an amazing family and friends, healthy kids that are the light of my day, a roof over our head, and the ability to actually provide my kids with a life that is centered around God and at the same time be truly fulfilled and happy.  To say I am blessed is beyond and understatement. 

With all of this I am sad to say I still am human and have let Satan in my head today and he planted the seed of doubt.  Just to say I doubt it will happen, I doubt it will work out, I doubt this will be okay.  I have said that so many times today.  The fact that I am human just stinks sometimes….. I can’t do it, I can never do it!  God will provide everything I need as I need it. It might not always be the way or the reasoning I would like but he never lets me down even when I let him down on a daily basis.  

So gratefully I believe in such a truly amazing and forgiving GOD. 

To be Full.

I believe that Satan attacks the strongest when your on a high and got your "grove" going with God. 
That is true in my life at this moment.  Things have been going smoothly and of course this weekend we were faced with a challenge.  But unlike what I would of done in the past and absolutely FREAKED OUT, I just realized there was nothing I could do about it over the weekend and to not panic about it.  Also I just knew somehow it would be okay. I still do.  Because no matter what happens with the situation that is before us, I must lift it up to God and he will take care of it.  Maybe not the way I would like, but it's okay because he will be in control of it. 

If I look back at the past couple of months and sit down and think of all the things that have gone on and how things have worked themselves out, I am truly amazed. It is beyond anything I really even comprehend. If it had been left up to me there would of been no way I could of done any of the things that were accomplished these past few months in our lives.  The only real reason is because I know I can not handle things in my life or situations that I am faced with on a daily basis, by myself.  I now realize that they are not for me to dwell on or worry about.  If I just simply lift them up to God and ask him to take care of the siutation as he sees fit it all works out.  For the times I may not of actually stopped and prayed about it I still approached it with faith knowing it would be okay and all work out.

Why does it take me so long to finally see this?  To realize that it is not for me to fix, understand or even comprehend situations is life.  Why could the light bulb not gone off sooner? 


Tonight I attended a fellowship for the ladies at our church.  The main agenda tonight was to get us to realize that our first priority is to God.  To just sit at his feet.  To be abundant in him, and full. For those times where we may not seek him daily, pray to him daily or feel a bit lost, for us to approach the situation with faith. Faith in God and that he will see it thru.

I just opened one of my devotional books and got a good chuckle out of today's' versus.

November 12:

THIS IS A TIME OF ABUNDANCE in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine.  I want you to enjoy the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you.

Sometimes My children hesitate to receive My good gifts with open hands.  Feeling of false guilt creep in, telling them they don't deserve to be so richly blessed. This is nonsense thinking, because no one deserves anything from Me. My kingdom is not about earning and deserving; it's about believing and receiving.

When a child of Mine balks at accepting My gifts, I am deeply grieved.  When you receive My abudnant blessings with a greatful heart, I rejoice.  My pleasure is giving and your pleasure in receiving flow together in joyus harmony.

PSALM 23:5; JOHN 3:16; LUKE 11:9-10 and ROMANS 8:32

How fitting is that. To come home and read the scripture about abundance and being full. Then remembering what the ladies said about the times we just need faith and looking back at my life and seeing those times where nothing else was there but just faith. 

That is just an awesome realization to me. 

There maybe those of you out there that think I'm just nuts and lost my marbles, but that is alright. The fact I can sit here and look at where I started a few months ago, where I am today, and the doors that are opening right now for the future how could I not sit back and go "I am truly blessed right now, what blessings God has given me!"

"Wow, I get it now"!

It has been a while since I've posted and for that I am sorry.  If you do or do not read this I should still keep up with this more often. I will try my best to post more often.

My thoughts for today.

I so totally needed this today. 

TRUST ME ENOUGH to let things happen without striving to predict or control them. 

Relax, and refresh yourself in the Light of My everlasting Love. 

My Love-Light never dims, yet you are often unaware of My radiant Presence. 

When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without My help. 

This is subtle sin-so common that it usually slips by unnoticed. 

The alternative is to live fully in the present, depending on Me each moment. 

Rather than fearing your inadequacy, rejoice in My abundant supply. 

Train your mind to seek My help continually, even when you feel competent to handle something by yourself. 

Don't divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help. 

Instead, learn to rely on Me in every situation. 

This discipline will enable you to enjoy life more and to face each day confidently. 

PSALM 37:306; PHILIPPIANS 4:19 

Devotion for October 10th from Jesus Calling. 

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It's funny I received this devotional book Jesus Calling back in 2009 for a Christmas gift.  

Back then I would read it some and think well that has nothing to do with my day. 

Then to read it now and to realize there are some days it may not make since to me, but that on other days I'm like "Woah that hits the nail on the head with me". 

Back then in 2009 I was not open and receptive to God the way I needed to be as I am starting to be now. 

So yes it's a book I got back then but how the words have not change or the order has not changed, but now I understand it more.

This week has been a good week and is only half way through.  Things have become clear to me that I never thought I would even be part of and I'm still functioning.  

I don't like to go beyond my personal bubble but I'm being pulled out of it here lately and I'm surviving it and even enjoying it. 

Sunday at church I was not as open as I should have been to being there and receiving God's word. I let my frustrations over a personal situation take more hold over me that morning than I should have. 

Lord for that I ask forgiveness, I was there to worship and praise you and receive your teachings that day and I let my personal frustration get in the way and I did not hear or retain anything that was said that morning. I am truly sorry for that. I have a situation I am trying to see through and it is not going as I had hoped and wanted it to.  That being the key word as I had hoped or wanted. I know all things are done in God's timing and his way. I know that this situation will be resolved when he wills it. I'm not saying it's easy just sitting back because I am human and I do dwell on it daily but that is where I fail as a believer.  I know all things God takes care of and I need to lift this up to him and ask he give me peace with the situation and guide me through my day as he sees fit.  

Monday i dropped the kids off at school and then went to my prayer group meeting.  How awesome it was. God always seems to put the right people in the right place at the right time. Monday was a true example of that.  This group is going to be an awesome thing I can just feel it deep down. I have this hunger for it to just truly see where it goes.  I'm excited for it.  Not just in the fact that it will help me personally but just to see what works can be done with this group of women.  This is definitely something that has me out of my comfort zone. But it's a good thing sometimes being pushed out of my bubble so things that are meant to be can be. 

Tuesday after dropping the kids off and working out at the school I was in the post office and ran into a dear sweet lady I know.  Even though I know her and I know she is a Christian and truly loves God it is nice to just realize we stood in the post office for 30 minutes just talking. Talking about what God has done in our own personal lives.  Just a friendly conversation in the middle of the post office. But it was so awesome because she had things that I needed  to hear that morning about things in my own life. Just the fact that the simple conversation not only helped me with a  situation but it was also relaxing.  To know that anyone who was coming in and out of the post office could of heard what we were discussing and you never know could of thought "oh I needed to hear that today".  Maybe it could of just been one word that was spoken.  The fact that someone there could of seen two people standing there talking about God and their relationships with him just as if it was a conversation about the weather. 

Today I went to a friends to check up on her and we talked about different versus in the bible that refereed to a situation I have right now.  She gave me several scriptures that I needed for today. 

It's funny how something some simple as a conversation can help, not just me myself or the one I'm talking to but that the possibility of those around us could be needing something and just hear a word that makes their day. 

I would of never thought I would be in any of those situations not to mention all within one week. 

The fact it is something so simple as a gesture of opening a door, helping someone who needs a hand or even just saying God Bless you to someone you don't know. 

That it doesn't always take a grand or huge gesture to serve God and make someone's day better. 

To hear that your whole life and never truly understand it till now and you look back at your own life the past few months and just go "WOW" at all the things that have happened. 

Some things small, some things not so small that all lead you to this very point in time where go "I get it now"! 

How great that feeling is. 

For once I have no clue what is to come and what will happen next.  Do I still worry about that some yes of course I do.  I can lift that up to God and he will see it is taken care of. 

To look back at my past few months and realize how things have happened and how somethings have come about and know that it was all him, it was all God. Because there is no way I could of done any of that. 

When I've thrown my hands up and realize there is just nothing I can physically do at that time about something.  Then to look back now and go "Yes, it was all God's doing". 

To top it off why does my spell check not recognize some of the books of the Bible?  Maybe it's just me but that seems wrong and odd.  I would hoped that spell check systems could and would recognize the proper way to spell the books in the Bible.  Hum….  Just a thought in my head about maybe where things have come to be now days.  

Well it's Wednesday and if you do or do not attend a church I hope everyone has a truly blessed day.  No matter what you are going through there is someone that will always listen to your needs, worries, fears and just your frustrations and will walk with you through it.  Something so simple as just looking up and realize that God loves you and will not leave you if you let him in.  

Have a blessed day everyone!

Blessed..

Okay.  I know most of my blog entries are about God and my life with him and my struggles.  I have just come to realize that when I blog it's because something in my life has happened and God is using it in some way to better and strengthen me.  I finally came to decision that I would use my blog as my public journal  about my walk with God.  Some people may "hate it", some people may think it's ridiculous.  But if just one person says "Hey that helped me I needed that" just one, then you know what, it was all worth it.  Maybe this is my way of getting God's greatness out to people.  Because even if it's a post about something that I'm not quite sure about or a struggle I'm having then it can too be used for good in his ultimate plan.  Read if you wish, if not I hope you have a great day. 

So with that rather long introduction here is today's post. 

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My devotionals for today are these passages: 

#1. )

DO EVERYTHING in dependence of Me.  The desire to act independently - apart from Me - springs from the root of pride.  Self-sufficiency is subtle, insinuating its way into your thoughts and actions without your realizing it.  But apart from Me, you can do nothing: that is, nothing of eternal value.  My deepest desire for you is that you learn to depend on Me in every situation.  I move heaven and earth to accomplish this purpose, but you must collaborate with Me in this training.  Teaching you would be simple if I negated your free will or overwhelmed you with My Power. However, I love you too much to withdraw the godlike privilege I bestowed on you as My image-bearer.  Use your freedom wisely, by relying on Me constantly.  Thus you enjoy My Presence and My Peace. 

John 15:5; Ephesians 6:10; Genesis 1:26-27

From the September 6th passage out of Jesus Calling

#2. )

Let Your Light Shine

The grace of God…has trained us to reject and renounce all ungodliness (irreligion) and worldly (passionate) desires, to live discreet (temperate, self-controlled), upright, devout (spiritually whole) lives in his present world. 

TITUS 2:11-12

Although you live in the world, you are not to be of the world…worldly in your ways.  Because it is easy to become worldly without realizing it, you need the godly influence of spiritually mature people in your life.  You also need to be a student of God's Word, which can change your ungodly desires and train and establish godly character in you. 

As a child of God, you are to be a light to others who dwell in darkness. People should be able to tell by your joy, the light in your eyes, the way you treat people, the way you talk about people - or don't talk about them - that you are a Christian.  

Determine now that you will be a light in this present world.  Ask God to help you glorify Him through your choices and actions. 

For September 6th passage out of Ending Your Day Right Devotions by Joyce Meyers. 

Well both of these hit home to me today.  

The first of course depending on God for everything and every single situation and not depending on yourself to take care of it.  Why this is such a hard one to remember.  I have progressed and gotten better, and I do not panic as much with situations now as I use to.  I always tell myself now that not matter what happens it's out of my control and God will make it work out the way it's meant to be.  

Case in point, my lack of a job even a part-time. Since I left my previous employer I filled out approximately 20 applications and been on at least 6 interviews.  Of course all have come back not hired for various reasons.  Which is very frustrating for me. Someone who has pretty much worked since I left high school.  I have gone back and forth between the whole I want the pay and security of a full-time job, to wanting a part-time job due to the hours so I can take the kids to and from school myself.  Even to the part-time job part of the week so I could have some down time to myself. All the way to not working at all and just go back to school at the beginning of the year.  

I decided last night that I really wanted to look into going back to school again and getting something. Well anyone who knows me knows i'm not going to spend upwards of 40k to go back to a school for a bachelors degree in something i really do not wish to do. The culinary school seem to be getting even more expensive than a regular college now days.  I found a school that seems to cater to everyone.  Those who wish to go during the day and those of us with obligations that prohibit us for going by offering a couple weekend and some evening classes.  Well how awesome is that.  The course I'm looking at is 16 months long and you can finish it in 12 months if I double up on one of the trimesters.  So actually it's not a far fetched idea.  This could be possible. So maybe i'm starting to see the bigger picture at the moment for my situation. So instead of being frustrated as I have been I need to sit back and say "Okay God your know me better than I know myself, you know what is best for me and my family then I do.  Here is the reigns take them and lead me to where you will me to be."  Because maybe just maybe he is sending me in the exact direction I am meant to be in right now and things I thought and wanted and didn't think were possible are actually possible if it's his will.  Needless to say I'm getting pretty excited.  

The second devotional about not being of this world and finding spiritually mature people to be in your life.  I do in fact think that one should surround themselves with mature spiritual people.  I have been blessed this past year to meet some many wonderful people who have come into my life.  To be truthfully honest I could not be where I am today without any of them and I know they are just a phone call away or a prayer away if needed.  How awesome is that.  I have a great group of friends and ladies at my parent's church and they are all so awesome and amazing at how much they truly live for God.  I have been blessed to attending a local church that is starting to really grow into something great.  I have also been blessed with going to counseling these past few months and finding myself a really good person to be with.  One that challenges me to make sure what I do and what I think is about God and making sure I let him control things and not me.   So for that I am so truly blessed.  

Things of this world (earthy things) can be crumbling around you or creating havoc and just frustration you completely. But when you sit down and think of about how much God loves you and If you are willing to listen then you can see just how truly blessed you are at that moment in your life.  I know this is way easier said than done.

Well I guess this all I am going to post tonight. That is all I felt like I needed to say. 

I will end with this.  As I above mentioned I do go to counseling and have been gifted with an great person.  I am sad to say that as of next week I will be finished with the group of sessions I was blessed to have without financial responsibility.  So with that I want to just ask you all to pray.  To pray that if God sees fit I keep going that it will happen and if God's plan is something else then grant me peace to be okay with that decision and move on.  For as I've said it's not in my hands but his.  Hope everyone has a great evening and/or day which ever it is for you.  

How To Just Let Go....

How to let go…

I have struggled with personal issues for a while several months to be more specific.  I am still struggling today. I have good and bad days.  I am one that does not forgive very easy and if I do forgive I never forget and it always has been a down fall of mine.  I let things stir and fester and then just explode. 

So with that being said I'm really struggling with letting go.  How to let go of the frustration and anger that has been festering for so many years that has caused hatred to takes its place.  Specially when there are sometimes daily reminders of it. It has consumed my life for so long and tormented me.  I'm so exhausted from it and want to be rid of it and done with it. But the sheer fact of letting it go is not an easy task for me at all.  It's easier for me to hold on to it and then I have a reason to be unpleasant and unhappy.  But I am so tired of being unhappy. 

Still letting go…. When it's in the sheer volume and magnitude I have I just can't even fathom it right now. 

I am not the same person I was this time last year or even at the beginning of this year. But I still have a long ways to go to get to the person I need to be.  I am trying to change myself for the better and be the person God wants me to be, but in the mean time it makes me wonder if things in my life are fruits of rebellion from God or things God has given me and I have taken for granted.  Such a fine line when all of the anger and frustration is tied to it. 

So to let go, of the anger, the frustration, the hatred and forgive and move on.  

Sad to say right now that is still something I just can't fathom.  

Lord help me release these items up to you to allow me to let go of all my anger, frustration and hatred to work on repairing myself and forgive these things so I may move forward in my life with you.  Grant me peace. 

Thank the Lord tomorrow is a new day.  I hope everyone has a great and blessed day and If I get to see it that I can wake up and just trust and follow God completely tomorrow.  Step by step one at a time. 

I am awake God. Thanks.... :)

Okay so here is an update on my walk with God (for those of you who read and care about a normal persons journey with God).

A lot has happened since my last post with my walk with God and of course that affects everything around you either good or bad.  Life is a roller coaster for sure.  Since early spring I have been going to counseling sessions.  Found out within my first session that my counselor is a Christian. So everyone of my sessions has been about my walk with God first then about me second. Which I know is the best thing.  I have had a few good weeks of it thought things were going good. Then one week about 3 to 4 weeks ago I hit a road block.  Instead of doing good I found myself  going back to where I was before I was going to my sessions.  So that got me down and discourage and I just pretty much stopped trying or caring. Before then I had been faithful and writing in my prayer journals.  Since that week I think I have wrote maybe just a total of 3 times.  Not good.  I thought it took up to much time and seemed well stupid. I'm in counseling writing in a prayer journal and a personal journal daily, blah blah blah.  Well guess what, it's what I needed and still need.  I have a HUGE tendency to get inside my head and just go bonkers.  On everything from small things to huge things i think of what I want or would like then I start thinking and before I know I will of talked myself out of doing anything within thirty minutes in the meantime just driving myself up a wall.  So multiple this by oh say 100 plus days.  SO yeah i'm surprised I have hair left in my head to pull up into my tight ponytail it seems to stay in.  So this past Monday, finished the last of my EAP sessions, a benefit I have from work, and guess what that opened up a whole another can of questions, and in my face are those decisions that still were there and needed to be made.  Like usual I talked myself out of things.  Until Wednesday.  That's when things started to change and happen.  Tuesday night I was looking through local ads and accidentally did something I hadn't planned on (nothing bad or illegal just a silly mistake I didn't realize had happened). So when I got up Wednesday morning and realized it had happened I was mortified.  There was that decisions, that needed to be made again this time it was right in my face. So I ignored it again.  Until about oh 10 minutes before I had to go do something and it all just came to a screeching halt.  I sat down to explain my decision and it all come flooding out like a volcano and I just couldn't stop.  By the end of the day my decision had been made and it was like I was just a spectator not actually the one doing it.  It was  a decision that anyone who knows me knows I would never of made, ever.  But I felt relieved about it.  Why I still have no clue.  I am one for stability big time.  I have to have it.  So for me it's FREAKOUT TIME... I was doing good until tonight. Then all of a sudden I went oh crap what have I done.  Called my mom and vented and got angry and seconded guessed myself like crazy. So I decided to open up my daily devotional book and read what is listed for today:

Thank me for the very things that are troubling you, You are on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking your fist in my face. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about my treatment of you. But once you step over that line, torrents of rage and self-pity can sweep you away. the best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving. It is impossible to thank me and curse me at the same time.              
Thanking me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first.  But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart.  thankfulness awakens you to my presence, which overshadows all our problems.
Psalm 116:17 and Philippians 4:4-6.

Well crud here I am shaking both fist in his face. But the second I started reading this I wasn't angry at all. My mom can contest to how upset I was but it was gone instantly upon reading this because I knew.  So I decided to be a good student and write in my prayer journal as well.  Then this hit home for me in his response to me.  

Thank me even when your angry, you must thank me. You need to remember this daily. For my plan has its ups and downs.  Its my way of doing things.  If trusting me were easy everyone would do it.  You are worth my time and my blood, be willing to be faithful even in the bleak times.  For I now what I am doing.  The whole picture my daughter the whole picture.  Thank me even now.

Needless to say tonight I got put in my place.

But the funnest part of the week so far since Wednesday was yesterday.  I had talked with a friend of mine about a couple of possibilities for me to do somethings. Didn't really take it serious when we were talking but did seriously think it could be something to look into.  You know just look into like it would take a couple of weeks and I would talk myself out of it. NOPE.  Yesterday the ideas I had thought I would just see about came knocking on my door.  Now here I was faced with this opportunity I had hoped to talk myself out of with due time. Guess what I didn't have to time to talk myself out of it and now I'm doing something new something that if it works out could be a really good deal for me.  All because I didn't think I just responded and did what I was told by the big guy up stairs.

This week has really shown me just how little I really am in control of anything.  Well pretty much nothing.  Yes I can make my own choices and decisions but if they are not the right ones then months later I just end right back int he same miserable spot with God thumbing me on the head going don't you get it wake up Rachel.

Well I'm awake now God.  Thanks.  :)  

Monday: A great day of peace...

For a Monday today was a great day… I have not had a great Monday in a long time and nothing extraordinary really happened.  It was just a day I was able to remember that I am a child of God and that is something amazing… I was able to look at the breeze outside that we were blessed with and hear the birds chirping and just have such a feeling of peace and calm… Of course I was meet with issues but was able to deal with them calmly and get them take care of because I realized they were not my issue but Gods… Some may think I speak of God quite often in some of my blogs, but that is due to the fact I am improving my relationship with God more and more every day and it is a very exciting adventure…I am not an expert on any of this… I am just learning to listen to what I'm told and obey…Yes it is harder than you would think…Believe me I still do most things with resistance…But in the end I end up doing it… I was able to spend yesterday morning church service with my parents and their church family…I always feel as if I'm home when I go visit their church..They are truly an amazing group of christian people…The service was just what I needed to start my week off right…I needed to get myself "Lower" and a dear sweet lady would say…I needed to open myself up and be able to receive what God has planned for me this week…Day one is going good…Have felt better than I have felt in a long time…This past week I received a call from a sweet lady thanking me for something I had done…I had given a few necklaces to a lady trying to do a silent auction for a good cause…That is all I did, it took no time or money at all to do it…Just willingness to help…Then I received one of the best voicemails I have in a long time just full true thankfulness for my giving…Something so simple for me to do was greatly appreciated…That is an awesome filling I have to admit…Following that note it's seems so simple to just say a prayer for someone in need or just frustrated.. Just a minute of your time to silently say a prayer..I use to be of the mind that I was not worthy enough to pray for anyone or I would say something stupid..But I have since learned there are no stupid prayers….As long as you are willing to pray from your heart it can't be wrong.. A prayer from the heart is like music to God's ears…I have found when I do I feel such a peace and fulfilled feeling for saying a quick prayer…It's amazing how it all works… I am currently going through a season in my life that is difficult and I struggle with it daily, but I know that if I keep my focus on God and keep my devotion to him in the end It will be amazing and the outcome will be a win for me…I am so excited for what is to come for me and I am at the same time terrified….But it will all be worth it…I can do all things through Christ…Just open my heart and mind and be willing to be loved unconditionally and realize that I am worth it….. What an awesome feeling..Some may think I have lost my marbles or just going bonkers, but if my posting any of this I can make one person feel better than my mission was accomplished and that is well worth it for me, just one person.. If not it feels great just to share my peaceful day…